5 Reasons Why You Will Never Reach Your Goals
What if it was the best thing that ever happened for you?
I remember getting my first subscriber. My first sale. I had imagined what it would feel like — the celebration, the satisfaction, the proof that I was on the right path. But when it actually happened, the excitement was… quiet. Fleeting. Not because it didn’t matter — it did — but because something deeper was already shifting in me.
The real joy wasn’t in the ping of a notification. It was in the rhythm of showing up. The early mornings crafting something from nothing. The aliveness of expressing an idea that mattered to me. Somewhere along the way, the process itself became more fulfilling than the outcome. That’s when I realized: it was never about getting there. It was about being here.
Were you also taught that goals are the path to happiness? That fulfillment lives in the future, waiting patiently on the other side of achievement?
That’s how we keep chasing. And planning. And hustling.
For me it came a point where the further I ran toward my goals, the more distant they seem — and the more disconnected I felt from myself.
What if the problem isn’t that we’re setting goals… but how we’re holding them? What if we’re gripping too tightly to outcomes, hoping they’ll deliver a feeling we could begin cultivating now? This is where mindfulness — and the art of conscious, emotionally aligned goal-setting — changes everything.
1. Setting goals is ineffective
Every goal contains an expectation: I will feel better once this happens. But here’s the catch — the moment we define what “better” looks like, we create a gap. Between who we are now and who we think we need to become. Between this moment and a future one that does not yet exist.
We don’t realize we’re reinforcing lack. The goal highlights what we think we’re missing. So instead of feeling empowered by it, we become stressed, anxious, or discouraged. We grip harder. But the more we cling, the more we block the very energy — flow, curiosity, joy — that allows real progress to unfold.
Letting go of the outcome isn’t passive. It’s spacious. It’s trusting that the feeling you’re chasing isn’t reserved for some distant version of you. It’s a frequency you can begin to embody — right here.
“When we notice we are not making enough progress… this can lead to frustration, which further creates resistance.”
2. Goals live in the future
We assume happiness lives in milestones. “Once I get the job… the house… the partner… the platform…” But research — and lived experience — show otherwise. It’s called hedonic adaptation: the tendency to quickly normalize our accomplishments and move the goalposts.
This the illusion of outcome-based satisfaction. You think the thing will make you feel a certain way. But the thing is just a prop. The real shift comes from aligning with the state of being you associate with the outcome — joy, empowerment, creativity — and choosing to live from that place now.
That’s the feeling I tap into every time I sit down to write my book — a mix of inspiration and freedom. And if the feeling is not there, then I follow it wherever it goes.
Otherwise, every goal becomes a treadmill. You get the thing. It feels good. Then it fades. And off you go again, mistaking the next thing for the real prize. Rinse and repeat. I want the feeling now.
“The moment we achieve a goal, we are already busy with the next thing.”
3. You’re addicted to control
Setting goals isn’t the issue. Needing them to happen your way, on your timeline is. That’s when striving becomes suffering. We resist reality. We micromanage the moment. We attempt to force what would unfold more beautifully if we softened into trust.
It’s like trying to force yourself to fall asleep. The harder you try, the more awake you become. That’s the paradox. Wanting something isn’t the problem. Clinging to the how is.
When we release control, we create space for synchronicity, surprise, and solutions we couldn’t have imagined. We move from limitation (of the mind) into possibility (of presence).
I’ve experienced this myself — and all I can say is: not only does society resist this kind of unfolding, but it also requires a lot of trust in ourselves. Trust that doing less isn’t failure. Trust that rest isn't avoidance. Trust that inspiration knows what it’s doing.
I gave myself six months to write the first part of my book. A clear goal. A timeline. A promise I thought I had to keep. But when the deadline came, I hadn’t written a single line.
I wasn’t blocked. I was resisting. My energy was pulling me elsewhere, but I kept trying to drag it back. I made outlines. Set timers. Stared at the screen like it owed me something. But nothing came.
So I did the unthinkable: I stopped. I stopped pushing. I stopped trying to fix my resistance and started listening to it. For the next three months, I followed the flow of my energy instead of fighting it — trusting that the impulse to write would return if I gave it room to breathe.
And it did.
Three months later, the inspiration came back — not as a trickle but a flood. For three weeks straight, the words poured out of me. The entire draft came through with a clarity and ease I never could’ve forced.
The irony? Letting go of the outcome is what finally brought it to life.
4. You’re focused on outcome vs process
Goals can guide us, but they’re not meant to define us. The truth is, most of the growth, healing, and magic happens on the way. When we rush through the process just to get to the result, we miss the very thing we’re after — aliveness.
There’s a difference between goals that validate your ego — and goals that express your essence. Static goals are identity-driven: “Once I have X, I’ll be enough.” Conversely, dynamic goals are process-driven: “I feel most alive when I’m doing this.”
Dynamic goals don’t just lead to a result — they are the result. The practice of writing, the ritual of creating, the showing-up-to-yourself-again-and-again. These are goals that feed your spirit. And they often lead to outcomes that are far more fulfilling than what your mind originally imagined.
5. You’re attached to expectations
We’re not the best at managing our expectations. Mostly because having them requires us to have power over something that we don’t have control over at all, such as the future.
Expectation is a closed system. It says: “I know how this should go.” But guess what? You probably don’t. We’re co-creating with forces far more intelligent than our current perspective.
Expectancy, on the other hand, is energetic. It’s an open, trusting posture that says, “I’ll keep showing up in the energy of my desire — and let life surprise me.” It’s the difference between chasing something outside of you and calling something forward from within you.
Sometimes, the path will take us somewhere even better than we imagined — something our current self couldn’t have possibly envisioned. That’s the paradox of presence: it’s what opens the door to everything we thought we needed the future for.
“We use the power of imagination of our minds to jump into a desired future, a later now moment that will make us feel something we do not yet feel and then return to the moment. By reminding ourselves of that future feeling-state and then bring it to the present, we are more likely to achieve that goal. This creates a system, which is the path we take towards manifesting our goal.”
Final Thoughts
The outcome is never the point. Not really. What you’re craving is the feeling. The state. The internal shift. And that’s available right here, right now — without waiting on the future to deliver it.
Mindfulness isn’t about giving up your dreams. It’s about giving up the belief that your happiness lives somewhere you’re not.
Let go of the timeline. Loosen your grip on the how. Trust your signature frequency. And keep showing up.
Want to keep exploring?
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If you’re new here, welcome! This is part of the Emotional Wellbeing Series, where we learn how to build a relationship to ourselves to live more consciously. So far, we’ve been exploring the foundations of emotional intelligence — and now, we’re diving into the next layer of self-awareness, mindfulness.
👉 Whenever you are ready, you can start from the beginning here.
What is the feeling behind your current goal — and can you access it in small ways today?